My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
His nipple licking is glorious
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