I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
