I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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