Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
