yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize