I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
