Can i not drive my cunt home
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
