I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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