I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
