Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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