Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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