3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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