Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
