real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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