Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
as a side note pls kill me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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