I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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