Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize