i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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