the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
