Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
