Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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