is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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