I'm jealous of your bromance
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
