I accidentally had phone sex last night
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
