11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize