I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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