My friends, they love my intelligence
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
please come you make the beer taste better
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
