You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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