I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
