Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
