STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize