My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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