I accidentally burped into my bong.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
