her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
