and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
