I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
