Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
