I CAN MOONWALK!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
