Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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