Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
