Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
