I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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