so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
