Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
