this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
