o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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