I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
