I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
