i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
