By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
