We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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