Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
