I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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