can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
