I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
