just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
