Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
