So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
