I'm drive I can fine osifer
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
