I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
