when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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