After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
