Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
