the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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