ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
