Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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