I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
