my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm just crazy horny about you
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
