I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
