i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just want nice things and good sex
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
