I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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