yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
