I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
