Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
