32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
