grandma shit on top of the toilet
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
