Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize