I am in a vortex of obligation.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize