This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
