i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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