Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
