every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
