It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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