Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
