What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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