Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
