Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Vodka?
Forever.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize