her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize