So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
