I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
