My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
