Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
