You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
