i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
