he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
