If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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