I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
