we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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