rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
