My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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