I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
