I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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