Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
