lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need a beard to bite.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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