i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
