I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
