I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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