Plan B is the new Plan A
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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