Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize