sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
