i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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