how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
