you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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