do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
